window dressing

Big Purge
August 29, 2009, 2:13 am
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I’m a total purger when it comes to my closet and my home. I have no problem whatsoever getting rid of things. I think I get it from my mom — I have distinct memories of her cleaning out my stuffed animals and other things from our house with great ease. In fact, we have dubbed last summer “The Great Purge of ’08” when she did a great big clean-out of absolutely everything in their house. It was monumental.

My husband is most definitely not a purger. He is more of a pack rat and it drives him batty that I get rid of things. It’s not that I throw things away, per se — I, um, rehome them.

Today I did a serious purge of my closet. It was time. And this is embarrassing — I found a great big garbage bag full of tees that I purged several months ago, but apparently decided to keep in the back of my closet in case I changed my mind. Clearly I have not thought twice about these items as I was surprised to find this huge bag stuck in the corner.  ::blush::  Isn’t that awful? But I really am glad to clear out some things. One of my New Year’s resolutions was to only buy things I absolutely love and I think that for the most part, I have done well at that. I want to have a well-edited closet, full of things that I love and feel great in.

I was reminded the other day when I was shopping with my mom about where I was nearly a year ago. I have a disease called ulcerative colitis. It’s similar to Crohn’s disease, and the main treatment for it is prednisone, a steroid. Steroids stink, big time. They make you hungry all the time, cranky, puffy, excitable, unable to slow down –  you name it, I’ve felt it. Last year, my doctor put me on a long course of prednisone. My disease refused to respond to anything but that, and it seemed like I’ve been on it nonstop for the past 3 years. By October of 08, I had gained 20 pounds over my normal weight and had a big ol’ moon face. I remember looking at pictures of myself at my husband’s birthday and I cried for days. I’ve always had a slender face, and I just didn’t look like myself. I looked… big.  To make matters worse, I was mad at myself for losing all my pregnancy weight, only to gain most of it back. Not fair!

I found what I call my “fat” jeans in my closet today, from when I was at my heaviest on steroids. I liken using steroids to being pregnant — buy a few things to get you through the days when you don’t feel yourself, and know that the weight will eventually come off if you work at it. But now that I’m past all that, I really want to get rid of those jeans. At the same time, I felt fearful. Like maybe I should hang onto them, just in case. What if I have to take steroids again and I gain a bunch of weight? Should I really get rid of them? I feel like it’s unhealthy to hang on to them. I don’t ever want to be that weight again unless I am pregnant! So I’m not going to leave myself a security net — I’m getting rid of them, moving on. Fare thee well, fat jeans!

So here I am, about 10 pounds away from being back to my normal pre-preg, pre-UC weight. I’m definitely feeling more like myself with a new treatment plan for my UC, and I’m thankful.  My face still doesn’t look like it did, at least to me, but it’s getting better. I feel good about myself by taking the time to fix my hair and put on a little makeup. Also, I’m trying to exercise more. My husband has been taking really good care of himself — exercising a lot, eating well — and I want to be doing the same. I feel motivated by his good results.

Ok, there’s my ramble on cleaning out my closet. Do you clean out often? What do you do with the clothes that need a new home?


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